"When self-reliance is the engine, anxiety is the exhaust.
This is what it feels like to be driven by a mind that won’t let go, a restless, compulsive stream of thought we come to recognize in recovery as the bondage of self: a life ruled by resentment, fear, knee-jerk reactions, and the haunting delusion that we’re in control.
Under chronic stress, the same stress that fuels addiction, the brain becomes incoherent. Different parts stop communicating. Obsessive thoughts spiral. Emotional responses dominate. It’s chaos."
I like the car and driver analogy, the real driver locked in the boot. Reading this piece, I see I have to work more diligently at sitting practice. quiet practice. stilling and getting out of the way practice. I have a dog who mirrors the very real strands of Self which tether me to my habituated way of being: the Self who feels I must manage and know just what to do, all on my own, with no support. This is the story my dog, now 2 years old, has been mirroring. All is good out and about until we meet others playing with ball throwers. Her brain becomes incoherent, the obsession is overpowering, and all become chaos. I am learning slowly to sift through my own emotional responses -- trying to evolve without creating a story, a narrative which keeps us stuck in the turmoil. Reading your writing helps with that: Thank you!
"When self-reliance is the engine, anxiety is the exhaust.
This is what it feels like to be driven by a mind that won’t let go, a restless, compulsive stream of thought we come to recognize in recovery as the bondage of self: a life ruled by resentment, fear, knee-jerk reactions, and the haunting delusion that we’re in control.
Under chronic stress, the same stress that fuels addiction, the brain becomes incoherent. Different parts stop communicating. Obsessive thoughts spiral. Emotional responses dominate. It’s chaos."
I like the car and driver analogy, the real driver locked in the boot. Reading this piece, I see I have to work more diligently at sitting practice. quiet practice. stilling and getting out of the way practice. I have a dog who mirrors the very real strands of Self which tether me to my habituated way of being: the Self who feels I must manage and know just what to do, all on my own, with no support. This is the story my dog, now 2 years old, has been mirroring. All is good out and about until we meet others playing with ball throwers. Her brain becomes incoherent, the obsession is overpowering, and all become chaos. I am learning slowly to sift through my own emotional responses -- trying to evolve without creating a story, a narrative which keeps us stuck in the turmoil. Reading your writing helps with that: Thank you!